RE: Bisexuality: More Than Marissa and Alex Making Out
I don't want to tarnish poor Marissa's reputation by linking to the unfortunate piece written by my favorite sex columnist, but she's dead so I guess it doesn't matter.
Miriam is on fire!
I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t as excited as the next person to see the highly-anticipated, entirely overrated kiss on last week’s episode of The O.C.
And I'd be lying if I said that this didn't actually endear you to me, sweety.
there was no raunchiness, and it lasted for two seconds during the last minute of an hour-long episode.
I don't know what you were expecting, Miriam. Fox, for all its bluster, is a network. The government says things about how much hot girl-on-girl action is allowed on the public's air. Believe me, I would like to see nothing more than lesbian sex for a solid hour, but sometimes we have to use the internet for that stuff.
Just to make sure viewers were really turned on
Do you really think Fox wanted to turn us on that much? I mean, it's not like the straight kisses on the OC are marathon snog sessions that last for 20 minutes. Let's not crucify Fox for this one. At least they had a lesbian kiss.
Second, since when did the “L” word stop being “love” and become “lesbian?”
Since a show about lesbians came out called "The L Word." That sort of changed the meaning, even though the producers intended for there to be ambiguity over the lesbian/love question. Since lesbians don't have a lot of tv shows and love does, people associated the L Word with lesbians as a point of accessibility. I'm really good at this game.
I’ve definitely seen better real-life action than The O.C., though whether or not I’ve participated in it I’m going to have to leave up to your imagination.
I find it odd that Miriam, usually so forthcoming with details about her love life, declines to mention any experience she has. Especially since the whole column is about not being labled and not worrying about what society thinks. It's a little hypocritical. Two things are possible: One, she hasn't done anything, but wants us to think she has (probably). Two, she has done things, but she liked it and doesn't want to admit that because it would hurt her thesis that sex is crap (probably not, but, hey, who knows?).
It’s gotten to the point where it’s just not all that exciting anymore for a guy to see two girls make out.
I have never read anything more wrong before in my life. I am "a guy." I like to see two girls making out. I know it's not a scholarly source, but visit collegehumor.com and check out some of the pictures and videos. I'm pretty sure they aren't putting those up to bore people. In fact, I bet the people at those parties aren't taking the pictures to show how boring the party was.
Seriously, though, how is it possible that Miriam can speak for all guys on this one? She's a straight girl who is only impressed by full-on lesbian sex (apparently). I'm pretty sure her one guy friend who told her he wasn't interested was not a representative sample. Once again, we show the need for a large sample size.
It may seem funny to claim that bisexuality is bullshit—it’s just an excuse to get twice as much ass—and leave it at that, but let’s be honest: sexual identity is about much more than that.
Well, here's the thing about that. I'm not a bisexual. If I wanted to double my output of ass, I would do it by having sex with twice as many girls. Because I'm not a bisexual. Bisexuals feel differently than I do. Saying it's bullshit is, oh what's the word? Retarded, right. This is so obvious that I'm upset you brought it up. At least you got this one right in the end.
As a diehard Eagles fan, I was admittedly turned off by the author’s reverence for Tom Brady.
Miriam has obviously never seen Tom Brady, he of godlike poise and heroic stubble. If she had, she would have said this:
"So Tom Brady supposedly had a bad game Sunday and the Patriots lost? I don't know if I agree. At the end of the game he was soaking wet, covered in mud and in soft focus because of fog condensing on the camera lens. In my book that makes us all winners. Rawrrr." -DJ Gallo
Sorry, I got a little sidetracked. It just irks me when anyone insinuates they aren't irrepressibly attracted to Tom Brady. We all know that's impossible.
Is sexual identity, as Tapley’s column suggests, a reflection of cultural and societal interests? Do we define our sexual identity based on our ability to speak “Manglish” or how much we act like the characters in Chasing Amy or In and Out?
Thank God. I was worried I might have to learn something interesting that another writer wrote without being subjected to a DLRQ along the way. Let's answer these questions, shall we?
A gay friend of mine
Can speak for every gay man ever.
A family friend
Can speak for every bisexual ever.
A girlfriend of mine
Once again, Miriam's patented "Three people = all the data you need" theorem allows us to answer complex questions without thinking too hard.
A gay man’s choice to get into a relationship with a woman or a straight woman’s decision to kiss her best friend is almost always based on some form of emotional investment.
Miriam always does this. She uses these phrases like "almost always" to cover her ass if there's any question she's wrong about something. Back in the closet days, a gay man's choice to get married had little to do with emotions. And if collegehumor.com has taught me anything, it's that a girl's decision to kiss her best friend is often based on some form of alcohol investment. But since I only have time to list two counterexamples, she must be right, since she said "almost always." I hate my life.
Bisexuality has a lot more to do with love and a lot less to do with months of media hype and a two-second kiss than FOX would like to think.
Besides the fact that Miriam hasn't really proven bisexuality has anything to do with love, it's a strawman argument to say that FOX thinks that media hype = bisexuality. I'm pretty sure even Bill-o knows that TV doesn't make bisexuals.
In a world where popular culture plays such a large role in our lives, it’s undeniably difficult to define and be comfortable with your sexual identity.
For some people, yes. For other people, it's actually very easy. I know you like to generalize, Miriam, but come on. You seem like you're pretty comfortable with your sexual identity.
CREDIT WHERE CREDIT IS DUE ALERT:
When it comes to society’s drawing boxes around what is gay, lesbian, straight, or bisexual, the media is often to blame.
Good point, Miriam. It would actually be interesting to write a whole column about this. Oh, wait, that's what you were trying to do, but you got sidetracked and wrote something that is only peripherally related.
But it doesn’t stop there: these lines are drawn in the most minute aspects of our lives, from the way we talk to the clothes we wear.
Not a necessary line. We know you're sensitive to media influence, Miriam. You just told us. We already gave you that round of applause. Now you're just grubbing for it.
In the end there is no one way to be gay, lesbian, straight, or bisexual; who you are and what you do are entirely up to you.
Once again, a conclusion that serves to invalidate everything that came before it. It's like Miriam panics at the end of every article and decides to hedge her bets. "Hey, maybe people will think the advice I hinted at was bad, so I'd better put in some generic, feel-good advice at the end so everyone will love me!"
No matter what, it’s sexy.
Just so you know the template was used in this one too. A stinger. How creative. I feel happy inside. I don't know what's sexy, but whatever it is, it gives me delight.
By the by, Mischa Barton was in a lesbian movie before she was on "The OC." I'm a little surprised that Miriam didn't mention "Lost and Delirious" once in the whole column. Oh, wait, no I'm not. That would have lent an air of continuity to the thing, and lord knows we don't want that.